So you want to loosen your man up?

I know that Spectergirl is your go to for all your relationship advice needs, but she's been kind of busy. So sometimes it nice when your answer can be explained in one page.

(Charlton Comics' For Lovers Only #62)

See, he's already taking off the tie. The pants are never very far behind.
I don't think I could have explained it any more clearly than that.

I only read comic books for the stories.

Yeah, that is what EVERYONE says but Charlton Comics knew better. Or maybe just knew you better than you knew yourself. Either way, apparently there was nothing like a "sexy" pin-up to sell books.

And nothing said sex-appeal like the Patridge Family. I mean the entire family and that weird manager guy and the dog.

First, a little something for the ladies.

Secondly, a little something for Mykal Banta.

Mykal, the overbite is kinda cute.

Maybe you wanted to be a Partridge Family sandwich?



"Laughingly yours"? Even Charlton knew no one found Danny Bonaduce appealing.

I don't even remember this kid.

Like some kind of Warhol triptic.

I'm really not sure who this was for. Maybe my grandma.

And, because sometimes it's hard to decide who's the hottest. And you might also be wanting to conserve wall space for those Chico and the Man posters.

Covers of Disappointment

If you read comics you know the bitter sting of disappointment. Be it scooping up that issue of Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane whose cover, yet again, boasts the much anticipated matrimony of the titular character or all those issues of Batman whose cover's featured the death of Robin. (Well, except for that one time.)

Reading Romance Comics is no different! Bitter "Cover Disappointment" runs rampant. Like a man with a sock down his pants, appearances are not always what they seem.

Today I am going to share with you three prime examples of covers that make you think the inside story is going to totally kick-ass but that, in the sad light of day, is just another loser who doesn't look nearly as much like Cary Grant as you thought he did at last call.

Marvel Comics
Our Love Story
#35
1975

Oh, I know what you are thing, "Quick! To eBay!" but please don't jump the gun here. This good looking cover by John Buscema is like a slap in the face. In "And So We'll Be Married!", an actual "As Told To: Stan Lee" feature, our leading chick IS NOT in love with some yellow jump-suit wearing dork with a red sash tied around his thick middle. Nope! She is only at a Woodstock style hippiefest where the only band shown is too far away to see. There is no "Super Star" infatuation.

"Broken Promise .. Broken Heart!" is right!

DC Comic's
Young Romance
#157
1969

Damn! This looked like a great one. Sad, crying daughter, hussy of a mother both competing for a scarecrow of a man with a white Nehru jacket and, possibly, a black pompadour. But no, this Nick Cardy cover is a complete lie.

The mother is actually a dignafied redhead with a cute bob of a hair cut, an adorable button nose and a pair of respectable flats. The boy in questions, a clean cut blonde whose wardrobe seems to consist of only turtle-necks, v-neck sweaters and slacks.

The pain of this particualer disappointment was acute.

DC Comics
Girls' Romances
#144
1969

If stealing my 15¢ isn't enough, what exactly DOES Nick Cardy need to do to get arrested? Kill a man? Needless to say, in "I Couldn't Be Faithful" Diane COULD actually be faithful. And NEVER does she dance with a young Uncle Sam.

As with any hurts, the pain of disappointment does heal but, as it should, it leaves you a bit jaded.

Remember: Books should be judged by their covers, NOT comics.

Who the HELL is Chad Everett?

I had the chance to do a little comic hunting this weekend and had a little better luck then usual. I was able to snag myself a DC "Falling In Love", several Charlton titles including "For Lovers Only" and "Hollywood Romances". I was even able to snatch up a little bit a 70's horror and a even a 1986 "Elvira's House of Mystery". (Oh yeah, I can feel the jealously.)

Well, while flipping though my new "Falling In Love" number 140 I came across an ad for a photo book. An ad for a photo book about a man I have never heard of.

So I would like to pose the question ... Who the Hell is Chad Everett? I mean really, I looked at like a thousand pictures of him on Google images, with and without a shirt and I do not know who this dude is. It is just hard to believe that a man that I do not even slightly recognize in 2010 warranted a photo book boasting "Many of the pictures have captions written by Chad ..." in 1973.

If you actually own this book you will, if only temporarily, be the coolest person I know. And EVERYONE wants to be the coolest person I know.

That is SO not the most important part of a relationship.

"Apron Strings"
Charlton Comics
Just Married
Art: Art Cappello
Number 107
1975

Anyone who has ever told you that the most important thing in a relationship is communication is either a fool or a liar.

The only time communication is even a close second is when you are giving specific directions on the first.

In Apron Strings we meet a newly wed Vikki Driscoll whose husband doesn't seem to understand this basic truth. But it is pretty obvious that his mother does and will do just about anything she can to stop that horrible strumpet Vikki from deflowering her son.

It didn't look like poor Vikki had much of a chance against Mother Driscoll whose plan of attack was multi-faceted.

She may not have been able to stop her son Carl from marrying but she could certainly hinder his love life by working overtime to fatten Vicki up.

And, just as critical to the plan to destroy Vikki's dream of gettin' some, fattening up her son.

Nothing cripples the libido like a large snack before bedtime and Mother Driscoll knew it.

Mother Driscoll: 1 - Vikki: 0

Mother Driscoll's next move was to keep her son and his new whore too busy to even steal a moment alone. Busy with joyous family gatherings and, when absolutely necessary, with tragedy born of her own hands.

It wasn't long before the strain was just too much for poor Vikki to bear and soon the strain began to leak out into her only free moments with Carl.

And Carl, unaware of what was really lacking in his life, starting filling the void with other things.

And the seed of discontent planted by Mother Driscoll began to take on a life of its own.

Until it nearly destroyed everything Vikki was fighting for. A chance to make it with her lawfully wedded husband.

But even when all things appeared to be turning around, like Pavlov's dog, Carl's desires seem to trigger another kind of hunger.

So Vikki made one last desperate attempt to interest his husband in sex. The old standby, dirty movies. But even that didn't work out as she would have liked.

Vikki was beaten. She she was giving up. She just needed to tell Mother Driscoll that she had won.

If Carl could obtain all he needed from food, so could she.

Vikki's surrendered brought the approval of the entire family. But it also seemed to remind Carl why he had married her in the first place.

Maybe Vicki WILL finally get to third base!

Ask Spectergirl!

Once again I am back to bestow upon you the wisdom that I alone possess. No, no, say nothing. Your undying gratitude is enough.

(originally answered incorrectly in Charlton Comics' Love Diary #87)

Dear Lonesome Anne,

Try not to picture this but your father got his freak on during the war. Don't be too surprised if one day there is a knock at the door and you discover that you have an older brother from Korea.

Until then abstain from dating Asians, or as you call them, "'Orientals" to avoid a potentially awkward situation.

Spectergirl

Spectergirl's Crypt of Post-Code Horror

Life not horrific enough? Stop by...

Spectergirl's Crypt of Post-Code Horror

We've dusted off a mouldering short-box of penny-dreadfuls from the Bronze Age of FEAR!

It's TERROR only the Comics Code Authority would DARE approve!